On Listening (an excerpt)

When I ask you to listen and you start giving advice,
you have not done what I have asked.When I ask you to
listen to me and you begin to tell me why I shouldn't
feel that way,you are trampling on my feeling.

When I ask you to listen and you feel you have to do
something to solve my problem,you have failed me,
strange as it seem.

Listen ! All I asked was that you listen; not talk or
do_just hear me...I can do for myself.I'm not helpless.
Maybe discouraged and faltering,but not helpless.
When you do something for me that I can and need to do
for myself,you contribute to my fear and feeling
of inadequacy.

But when you accept as fact that I do feel what I feel,
no matter how irrational,then I can quit trying to
convince you and can get about the business of
understanding what's behind this irrational feeling.

And when that's clear,the answer are obvious and
I don't need adviced.3

Ralph Roughton.M.D

The 8th Habit.
Blending Voices 193.
from effectiveness to greatness.